Even if they have a power over you
I always dreamed of having understanding parents who would support me in everything yet let me make my own mistakes, so I could learn from them. At some point, I was able to make this happen by leading a secret life, not sharing much about my love relationships and struggles with them. I had a good reason for keeping it this way - whenever I shared something personal or expressed my dreams of pursuing a career in a less conventional field, my parents became overprotective and tried to influence my decisions.
I often felt helpless in these situations. As a teenager, I relied on my parents for food, shelter, and financial support. Being financially dependent and underage, I couldn't do much to make them understand and accept my choices. That's why I kept them in the dark and enjoyed my freedom for as long as I could... until I lost my dad.
After that tragedy, my mom was devastated. Even after I started earning my own income and moved out of my parents' house, it became even more challenging to assert myself. Whenever my mom had a disagreement with my husband, she would bring up my father, insinuating that he would disapprove of my choice of partner. Engaging in arguments was nearly impossible as she was still grieving, and everything I said was perceived as an insult. Despite my efforts to show her the positive aspects of my marriage, my attempts were futile, leading to increased stress and triggering my depression.
In order to preserve my marriage and prioritize my mental health, I had to learn how to communicate with my mom effectively. While not all strategies were successful, we gradually worked through our issues and established healthy boundaries while maintaining our relationship.
Today, I am sharing these tips with you.
1. Be respectful
It's important to approach the conversation with respect. Even if you disagree with your parents, it's crucial to maintain a respectful tone and avoid being confrontational. Remember that they are your parents and deserve to be treated with respect.
2. Choose the right time and place
Timing is everything when it comes to having difficult conversations. Choose a time when both you and your parents are calm and not distracted. Find a quiet and private place where you can have a meaningful conversation without interruptions.
3. Be clear and concise
When expressing your thoughts and feelings, be clear and concise. Avoid beating around the bush or using vague language. Clearly state your point of view and the reasons behind it. This will help your parents understand where you're coming from.
4. Listen to their perspective
Communication is a two-way street. While it's important to express your thoughts and feelings, it's equally important to listen to your parents' perspective. Hear them out and try to understand where they're coming from. This will help you have a more productive conversation.
5. Stand your ground
It's important to stand your ground and not be swayed by pressure or manipulation. If you believe in something strongly, don't back down just to avoid conflict. Be firm in your beliefs and express them confidently.
6. Seek compromise
While it's important to stand your ground, it's also important to seek compromise. Try to find common ground with your parents and work towards a solution that satisfies both parties. Compromise is key in any relationship, including the one you have with your parents.
7. Seek support
If you're finding it difficult to stand your ground when talking to your parents, seek support from a trusted friend, family member, or counselor. They can provide you with guidance and advice on how to navigate the conversation effectively.
Standing your ground when communicating with your parents can be a challenging task. However, it is crucial to assert yourself and express your thoughts and feelings effectively. Your emotions and opinions are valid, and it is essential to convey them with respect, clarity, and a willingness to listen. By approaching conversations in this manner, you can navigate difficult discussions with your parents in a constructive way. Remember that compromise plays a significant role in any relationship, and finding common ground can help bridge the gap between differing viewpoints.
It is normal to have disagreements with your parents, as they may have unique perspectives and life experiences that influence their opinions. Effective communication is vital in fostering healthy relationships, and by implementing these strategies, you can strengthen your bond with your parents and establish a foundation of mutual respect and understanding.
Sincerely yours,
          Lubov Leonova
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P.S. If you like this post, you will love my books about young women building healthy boundaries with their families. While chasing their dreams, they are solving mysteries in a fantasy world. Feel free to move to the "Books" page and pick your next read!
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