7 steps to make you feel safe
When I was fifteen, I found myself in the hospital, holding my best friend's hand as she underwent an abortion. Wait, what?! You might be thinking I made a typo and meant to say she was getting a tattoo removed or fixing some other teenage mistake.
Unfortunately, it's not a typo. It wasn't a silly mistake we could laugh about when we grew up. It was a day we must never forget to prevent it from happening again.
After the procedure, the doctor warned about potential complications that could affect her ability to have children. I remember her quietly nodding, tears welling in her eyes. I vowed to be more careful about contraception in the future, hoping she would be wiser as well.
However, the situation was far from simple. She stayed with me overnight to avoid raising suspicion from her mother, and eventually, I mustered up the courage to ask her, "Why? Why did you not insist on using protection with your boyfriend, knowing the risks to your health?"
"I did ask," she replied, fluttering her eyelashes. "But he said he hated using condoms, and I was too embarrassed to push the issue."
I stared at her in disbelief. "I'm sorry, but were you not embarrassed to confide in me about what happened? To face the judgmental gaze of the doctor? Are you not afraid of not being able to have children with the man you truly love? All because of a guy who dumped you right after—"
"Stop," she interrupted, raising her hand defensively, her voice trembling. "I know he wasn't the man of my dreams. But I just..."
"Just what?"
"I thought it wouldn't happen to me."
I looked at her with concern. "But it did happen. Which means it could happen again. So, what will you do if you find yourself in the same situation?”
She gave me a weary look, turned towards the wall, and fell silent.
I refrained from asking any more questions, sensing her exhaustion and overwhelm. So, I too remained silent.
I recall lying on my bed, gazing at the innocent white ceiling, pondering whether I would have the courage to discuss contraception with my future first lover, whoever he may be. That night, I made a promise to myself - never to be intimate with someone who disregards my feelings and well-being.
I understand that discussing contraception with your partner can be uncomfortable. However, it is a crucial conversation that ensures both parties are aligned on sexual health matters. While it may initially feel awkward, having an open and honest dialogue about contraception can foster a stronger and healthier relationship.
Here are seven basic steps on how to approach this topic with your partner.
Step 1. Do your research
Before having this conversation, take the time to educate yourself about different types of contraception options available. This will help you have a more informed discussion with your partner and make a decision that works best for both of you.
Step 2. Choose the right time and place
It’s important to have this conversation in a private and comfortable setting where both of you can speak openly and honestly. Avoid bringing up the topic in the heat of the moment or during a stressful situation.
Step 3. Be honest and open
When discussing contraception with your partner, it’s important to be honest about your own feelings and concerns. Share your thoughts on the topic and listen to your partner's perspective as well. Remember, this is a two-way conversation.
Step 4. Express your concerns
If you have any concerns or fears about using contraception, don’t be afraid to voice them to your partner. It's important to address any issues or doubts you may have so that you can work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
Step 5. Respect each other’s opinions
It’s possible that you and your partner may have different views on contraception. It’s important to respect each other's opinions and find a compromise that works for both of you. Remember, this is a decision that will affect both of you, so it's important to find common ground.
Step 6. Consider all options
There are many different types of contraception available, from condoms to birth control pills to intrauterine devices (IUDs). Take the time to discuss the pros and cons of each option with your partner and consider what will work best for your individual needs and preferences.
Step 7. Plan for the future
When discussing contraception with your partner, it’s important to consider your long-term goals and plans for the future. If you’re not ready to start a family yet, make sure you both agree on a method of contraception that will help prevent unplanned pregnancies.
Discussing contraception with your partner is a crucial step in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. By approaching this topic with honesty, openness, and respect, you can collaborate to make informed decisions that will benefit both of you in the long run. This ensures that you are both aligned when it comes to family planning and sexual health.
It is important to note that if your partner disregards your concerns and prioritizes their own comfort, they may not be the right partner to engage in sexual activity with.
If you and your partner are struggling to reach a decision about contraception, consider seeking guidance from a healthcare provider or counselor. They can offer information and support to assist you in making a well-informed decision that suits both of your needs.
In conclusion, while discussing contraception with your partner may initially seem intimidating, it is a vital conversation to have in any relationship. By approaching this topic with honesty, openness, and respect, you can collaborate to make informed decisions that will benefit both of you in the long term.
Remember, your sexual health and family planning are crucial aspects of your relationship, and engaging in a conversation about contraception can help ensure that you are both aligned and moving forward together in a positive and healthy manner.
Sincerely yours,
Lubov Leonova
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P.S. Thank you for reading!
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