If you often find yourself in a heated debate, you need to read this post

Everyone has their opinion. Okay, okay, let me rephrase it. Everyone has their f#cking opinion!

Phew, I said it…

I know it might sound a bit rude. But here is the thing I noticed about myself – each time someone argues with me, trying to convince me that their beliefs are the only possible version of the truth, I have this awful, almost irresistible desire to send my opponent to hell (or even further 🙂)

Sometimes, I wonder why it is so hard to listen to an opponent even when they are only expressing their opinion.

Here is one interesting experiment conducted by scientists who studied the effects of propaganda. They put a bunch of wires on the subjects’ heads and showed them different short videos. In some of the slides, unfamiliar people expressed ideas that matched their beliefs, which gave people a sense of comfort and peace.

However, when the subjects were shown someone who expressed ideas that contradicted their beliefs, their brain did a peculiar thing – it activated the same centers that are responsible for indicating a life threat. This means that we subconsciously consider any contradictory idea to be a life-threatening situation!

So, when someone starts arguing with us, it’s so unpleasant to hear it. But you know what’s ridiculous? Your opponent is most likely to experience the same feelings. Because your opinion, no matter how truthful or logical it is, shatters their inner peace.

The same goes for you – when someone starts explaining their point, they don’t really aim to hurt you. All they want to do is to calm their own racing mind that screams about being in danger.

But if we let ourselves step out of our ego and try to see this process as a simple protective biological mechanism, everything becomes clear – the most important thing is not proving your point.

Each conversation, even the most unpleasant one, is an opportunity to understand this particular person and to get to know them better.

To have a productive conversation, you don’t have to agree with them entirely or change your system of beliefs. All you need to do is to let them be. As it often happens, once they are ready mentally and emotionally, they will find themselves in need of expanding their horizons.

However, if your opponents are still here with their arguments, let’s discover some phrases that can help you navigate yourself in a heated debate.

1. "I see your point, but have you considered..."

This phrase shows that you are actively listening to the other person’s perspective, which can help defuse tension and open up the conversation for a more productive exchange of ideas. By acknowledging their point of view, you can then introduce your own thoughts and potentially sway them to see things from your perspective.

2. "Let's agree to disagree."

Sometimes, it's best to simply agree to disagree rather than continue arguing in circles. This phrase can help you gracefully exit a contentious debate without causing further conflict. It shows that you respect the other person's opinion, even if you don't necessarily agree with it.

3. "Can you provide evidence to support that claim?"

When faced with a baseless argument, asking for evidence can help you challenge the other person's assertions and weaken their position. By asking for concrete proof or examples, you can force them to back up their claims with facts, which can ultimately strengthen your own argument.

4. "I understand where you're coming from, but here's why I disagree."

This phrase allows you to acknowledge the other person's perspective while also presenting your own counterarguments. By showing empathy and understanding, you can build rapport with the other person and potentially persuade them to see things from your point of view.

5. "Let's focus on finding a solution together"

Instead of getting caught up in a back-and-forth argument, shift the conversation towards finding a resolution that satisfies both parties. By emphasizing collaboration and problem-solving, you can turn a confrontational debate into a constructive dialogue where both sides can work towards a common goal.

Remember – winning an argument doesn’t always mean proving the other person wrong. It’s about effectively communicating your thoughts, listening to the other person's perspective, and finding common ground.

By using these five phrases, you can navigate difficult conversations with confidence and come out on top. Make your goal not to defeat the other person, but to reach a mutual understanding and potentially find a compromise.

Sincerely yours,

          Lubov Leonova

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