And why you must guard them

I love my family and friends. However, there have been times, especially when I was younger, when my loved ones took advantage of my kindness and interfered in my personal life with their advice or suggestions (including the idea of divorcing my husband because he didn’t meet their expectations). As a result, I stopped being open and tried to minimize my communication with them.

Looking back, I wish I had known that setting boundaries wasn't an insult to the people I loved and respected. On the contrary, it would have allowed me to clarify things and resolve misunderstandings. I wish I had spent more time enjoying being myself rather than pretending to be a "good girl" and perfectly playing my role as a daughter, sister, or friend. However, I was clueless, and it led me to become a nervous individual who constantly exhausted herself trying to make everything "just right."

As you may have guessed, my initial strategy didn't work out as planned. However, the worst part was that my persistent stress led to severe health issues. Through working with a therapist, I eventually came to understand that setting boundaries is an important aspect of maintaining healthy relationships with others.

Here's the thing - people who violate our boundaries often assume that we don't love them if we dare to voice our feelings, needs, and desires. It's important to understand that their assumption doesn't necessarily reflect the truth. Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining our mental health and well-being.

Healthy boundaries help us define what is acceptable and what is not, and they enable us to protect our own well-being. However, sometimes, people may unknowingly or intentionally violate our personal space.

Here are three signs that someone may be crossing the line:

1. Disregarding your feelings and needs

One of the most obvious signs that someone is violating your boundaries is when they consistently disregard your feelings and needs. This can manifest in various ways, such as constantly interrupting you when you are speaking, dismissing your opinions, or pressuring you to do things that you are not comfortable with. If you find yourself feeling unheard or invalidated in a relationship, it may be a sign that your boundaries are being violated.

2. Invading your personal space

Another sign that someone is crossing your boundaries is when they invade your personal space without your consent. This can include physical invasion, such as touching you without permission or standing too close to you, as well as emotional invasion, such as prying into your personal life or demanding to know details about your thoughts and feelings. It is important to communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively if you feel that your personal space is being invaded.

3. Ignoring your boundaries

Lastly, if someone constantly ignores the boundaries that you have set, it is a clear sign that they are not respecting your limits. This can be particularly harmful in intimate relationships, where boundaries are crucial for maintaining trust and mutual respect.

If you find someone repeatedly crossing your boundaries despite your attempts to communicate with them, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship and consider setting firmer boundaries or even distancing yourself from the person.

If you experience any of the above signs, it is important to assertively communicate your boundaries and stand up for yourself. Remember, you have the right to set boundaries that make you feel safe and respected.

It is also important to overcome the fear of losing people. Do not hesitate - those who genuinely love you will find a way to embrace the new version of you. They will stay in your life. Those who never truly loved you will leave, creating space for new connections and healthier relationships.

Pay attention to the signs that someone may be violating your boundaries in order to protect your well-being and maintain healthy relationships.

Sincerely yours,

          Lubov Leonova

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